Its been a crazy journey and at sometimes its been unbearable. Having panic attacks that were triggered by your own thoughts is an experience NO HUMAN should ever have the misfortune to experience. It is literally the definition of hell.

This article is being read 4-5 years into treatment. Intrusives are still an issue…and are less than ever…but after reading this…OH MY GOD>>> All i can say (from an outsiders perspective) is that content on the ‘nature’ of these thoughts is spot on. My main obsession was harming my wife…in my sleep. This got so bad that it became a “i could snap at any moment” type of issue. Although we are divorced now…i can say with 100% certainty that I had never loved someone as much as her and NEVER NEVER NEVER could i move to harm her…but my brain was always tormenting me with “…but you could…and your friends…and your etc….”. It was HELL! Understanding that our brain invents ways for us to feel empathy is so real and key in understanding the nature of this issue.

The explanation of these thoughts coming from a “Core” place is valid. Every horrible thought I’ve had has been directed towards the people I cherish the most. Neighbors and strangers I don’t know well…never are they the subject of my brain’s garbage. In the ‘self medication’ years i struggled with not feeling much empathy. Nowadays…I OOOZE IT! I can read the news, watch a video, hear someone cough…and physically react to their experience. As a natural protector, I suppose that my brain turned me into the villain specifically to bolster my natural leanings. And as for thoughts of harm to myself…developing empathy for myself has been a missing link. We spend so much energy keeping it cool and in control…its hard to see that we are a facet in our own lives. Somehow I just conjured the spirit of Tolle.

Kindhearted people will struggle with this the most. This is a fact. Being a gentle giant myself, I’ve always been aware of my swinging arms and big feet. This level of awareness was turned into a weapon because i did not really realize that I genuinely cared for people…I thought i was a free agent. Ha…so not true! (…then my anxiety monster…Cedric is his name…says “do you really care? But what if you don’t?”). Cedric is a dick.

I’m writing this lengthy comment simply to share that this article is the most legit summary of intrusive thoughts I’ve read. It almost reads like an instruction manual. Thank you for writing it and thank the creators for granting you the ability to share your insight.

I’m so glad you found it, too! I’ve been hearing so much from people that they have and FEEL these thoughts hard – and in turn, have extreme guilt with them. It’s comforting to know we’re all in this together and don’t need to feel bad. We’re only human 🙂

All the love,
Brittany

I have a lot of intrusive thoughts and while they don’t make me think I’m a crazy person about to do bad stuff, I sometimes wonder if bad things are about to happen to those I care about and it’s precognition.

That scares me.

K A T E L A T E L Y //
http://www.katelately.co/mtl-weekend-getaway/